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Uh-oh …
You thought it would be different this time. Really, you did it. But you are again experiencing a series of emotionally abusive relationships. As has happened before, you may be wondering if this is something you have done that has led to this emotional abuse.
Why can not you attract healthy relationships instead of toxic relationships?
Abusive relationships, in which you are a victim, are an easy cycle to put in place. You may be in a toxic relationship where you feel stuck and disrespected. Or maybe you realize that you are passing from one person to another while still feeling badly treated.
It may be difficult to recognize the signs of emotional abuse, but your role as a victim of emotionally abusive relationships with men or women probably began with the parent figure of the genre you are drawn to.
Since the parent-child relationship involves such a power imbalance, it is easy to develop a dynamic of violence from an early age, even if you have not been raised by emotionally violent parents.
This can cause trauma and engender a wide range of problems when you are trying to create healthy relationships as an adult, because once you are used to emotionally violent relationships, you are more likely to attract.
Here are 5 signs that you are an attraction pole for emotionally abusive relationships, plus what you can do to stop emotional abuse and start attracting healthy relationships.
1. Looking for abusers
If you have grown up in an abusive dynamic, it can become a "familiar" environment. Without wanting to, you can finally look for these negative people because they feel comfortable yours.
You do not want to be abused, but you continue to find reasons to stay. Apologies for giving. Explanations why he or she is not as bad as that.
But you are probably following the same pattern in the relationships you have learned since your youth. You can even choose to stay in a familiar environment until it becomes so difficult to bear that you must try something new.
2. You often play the "victim"
A coping mechanism for living in a violent environment is to take the role of "victim". This may seem like an easy way to handle abuse and even to build sympathy with your abuser.
You may have recognized at one point that your victimization was really nice – someone who is kind and who helps when you need it – and want to keep that feeling. Perhaps you have seen other victims gain sympathy, and you also want that sympathy.
Whatever the reason, you continue to look for the reward that has made you feel good, especially when you have to deal with the very real pain of attracting violent people into your life. This reaction usually occurs at a deeply subconscious level, so you may not even realize that you are doing it at the beginning.
However, once you understand, you can choose to change and put the power back into your hands.
3. You are afraid of being single
One of the first things that causes you problems is the desperate desire for love, acceptance or even physical intimacy. You could feel this desperation and project it unconsciously to the world around you.
This can result in choosing the wrong type of people who think you deserve nothing but their bare essentials. You might also not pay attention to the big red warning flags in a relationship because you do not want to be "alone".
If you recognize these behaviors, do not judge yourself too harshly. This is an easy-to-follow chart for victims of abuse, whether it's been a few months or even decades.
Observe instead and learn from your mistakes; unfold the pattern until you understand it and can choose the type of relationship you want.
4. You do not feel that you deserve love, even if you feel like it
When your self-esteem is damaged, you begin to weigh more on emotions such as sadness, anger, worry and fear. These emotions begin to create an energetic vibration that you "diffuse" to your surroundings.
In terms of energy, as attracts attracts like. So, if you do not feel that you deserve love, how will you convince someone else to love you properly?
If you put this negative energy and these vibrations in the world, you will also attract people with the same vibrations. It becomes really problematic. You will attract someone who feels that they can attack you verbally, physically, or even emotionally. They will probably project their own attacker on you and treat you accordingly.
These situations can make you feel as if you are stuck in a threatening and hopeless situation you can not escape, but the good news is that when you start to recognize what is happening and play your part, you can reverse the situation. You can take control of your life, your emotions and even your relationships.
5. You feel that you deserve abuse or misfortune
People who are stuck in the character of the victim tend to lack self-esteem and self-esteem, and this begins with learning to love oneself.
Changing this dynamic is the key to getting out of a situation of violence and becoming healthier. To love oneself can be a long process, but you have to change course over time, give yourself the grace of mistakes and learn to accept yourself for who you are, right now , mistakes and everything.
If you have grown up with emotional abuse, you are probably too critical of yourself. You may be projecting the love you should give yourself to others and the wrong people respond.
Become aware of how you speak. If you judge hard for your own actions, ask yourself: "If another person did the same thing, would I judge them the same way, do I really want to be judged like that?"
We all learn and grow by making mistakes; it's a process that lasts a lifetime! Go easy on yourself.
People magnetize abusers because that's what they feel they deserve, even if honestly, deep down, they only want the love and the honest affection that, in their opinion, they have been denied.
There is nothing wrong with loving oneself and treating yourself with respect. You know that you deserve love, so start giving it to yourself.
Give yourself the love and respect you deserve and you will notice that others do it too. Concentrate on yourself, your energy. Meditate and learn chi kung. Nourish at all levels: body, mind and spirit.
Remember that love is only one energy and the more you develop it, the more you will attract it. Do not worry about being selfish, because the more you love yourself, the more you will be able to love others. Practice makes perfect!
In fact, when you are so full of self-esteem that you overflow, you will be able to give love to others in a new and meaningful way. This is how you will get the love and healthy relationship you want!
Jade Lotus is a tantra educator and teacher in Taoist alchemy. She runs empowerment workshops for women, sharing the secrets of transforming your energy to manifest the life you are looking for.
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