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I am in despair of one of my friendships. I tried to keep my thoughts positive; that I will eventually find a good friend who will accept more of me.
Eight years of friendship – nowadays of school and near life – have disappeared in a day because of a boyfriend. It had a big impact on me.
I was lost for a while and I felt very sad and lonely because I knew I had lost it. Even if we become friends again in the future, it certainly would not be the same.
Then, I thought to myself: it's a lesson, that's life, keep your head strong. We learn from our mistakes, we learn to trust.
The injury was profound but I tried to keep my mind open when I later became friends with someone at my previous workplace. We were friends for two years and became very close. We were both very mature in managing our problems and we shared our respective friendship history with each other.
I introduced it to my family and friends, and we even made trips together. We were the sounding board and the advisor to everyone.
This lasted until the day my mother suddenly became ill and had to be admitted to the hospital. She eventually died.
There has never been a so-called friend for me for the duration of the event. I was, of course, hurt but I tried to keep my cool while I listened to his excuses. She went shopping with her mother while mine was on her deathbed. The worst was that I had sent him a message a few hours earlier to ask him to come to the hospital.
Months later, I invited her for the prayers of my late mother and she could not do it. I also invited her to visit my mother's grave, and once again she said that she was not able to attend. I wanted to tell him how I felt about it. But I was sad and angry and I knew that I would say things that would hurt her.
At the end of 2016, we went on a trip with his partner and mine. We shared the costs of gas and lodging.
Mid-2017, she prevented me from contacting her and left our friendship without a word. I was again devastated. I kept thinking that I was not good enough and that I was not a good friend. I kept asking myself questions. What did I do wrong? I hated this feeling of loss and despair. This has made me lose hope of finding and building an intimate friendship, which has missed me.
The worst thing is that I recently discovered that she broke our friendship because during our trip, her boyfriend was driving most of the time and forked
She felt guilty and wanted to excuse me. But I can not believe that was the reason she cut ties with me. We could have sorted things out. She claimed to have never had a friend like me but her actions proved the opposite
How can I stop thinking and feel that I am not good enough and convince myself that I am going to have again a good friend? I miss a close friend, but sincerity and acceptance still exist in friendship?
Lost in hope
Dear lost in hope
Are there strong friendships? Yes. However, you have difficulty managing your expectations and your friendship style.
We have BFF, Best Friends Forever, at school. When we become young adults and go to university, BFFs tend to fade. This is because our daily experiences are no longer shared. In addition, we are busy growing up, and the changes mean that we relate to each other differently.
As we enter the workplace, our interests are diverse and so are our friendships. We have working friends, various social groups and our family. At this point, the school's BFFs tend to reconnect, albeit in a looser network.
The kind of strong friendship we had in our youth comes back when we find a life partner. This person is closest to us, sharing daily experiences and corresponding to our fundamental values and interests.
Now, you seem to be stuck in a juvenile mentality where you want a FFM outside of a life partner. However, you are not a kid. That's what caused you grief.
With your school friend, I think you were hurt by not understanding how relationships have changed since childhood. You clung while she was gone.
Regarding your co-worker, should she come to the hospital? Well, that would have been nice. However, I think you have to consider that you may have had very different points of view on friendship.
The lady did not come at all and you baffled each turn. She clearly wanted distance while you wanted meaningful closeness. You both saw the party with very different points of view.
Moreover, your letter does not suggest that you speak openly. You have hidden your anger; she disappeared. This suggests that you are not communicating.
Frankly, that does not seem to be a good relationship
To look outside of your friendship question, you mention that you have a partner, but there is no detail. If you still have this partner, what is his role in your life? How do you connect? And how is it that you are not looking for your close friendship?
Given the circumstances, I think it would be helpful for you to talk to someone about how sensitive you are connecting with people.
your relationships and learn to make connections that give you what you need. You deserve happiness, so go ahead and find out how you can provide that for yourself.
Is something bothering you? Do you need a listening ear or a shoulder to support you? Thelma is here to help. Write to Cher Thelma, c / o Star2, Menara Star, 15, Jalan 16/11, 46350 Petaling Jaya, Selangor or email [email protected]. Please include your name and full address, and a pseudonym. No private correspondence will be received. The Star makes no warranty as to the accuracy, completeness, usefulness, fitness for a particular purpose or other assurances as to the opinions and opinions expressed in this column . The Star assumes no responsibility for any loss suffered directly or indirectly as a result of the trust placed in these opinions and opinions.
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