Psychology of how much people really care about each other

I like the catchy term that scientists have recently used to describe a common psychological phenomenon: "the illusion of cloak of invisibility". I do not really like what he describes.

According to scientists, and their 2016 article in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, we mistakenly assume that others do not give us as much attention as we do to them.

That is, while you are strolling over music during your morning commute, carelessly noting the agitated fellow on your right, there is a good chance that this impatient individual will take note of you and your lack of rhythm.

Consider a study described in the 2016 paper.

Two students were asked to wait in a "waiting room" before an experiment – they did not know that they were already participating in the # 39; s experience. After sitting in the waiting room, students were asked to indicate how much they had noticed the other person in the room (their behavior, their manners and their appearance ). They were also asked to indicate how much they thought the other person had noticed the same things about them.

As written by one of the authors of the book, Erica J. Boothby, in a New York Times column: "Although people have surreptitiously glimpsed all sorts of details – clothing, personality, mood – we found that people were convinced that the other did not look at them very much, if at all.

I learned this phenomenon by reading "Cringeworthy" by Melissa Dahl, who explores the Science of clumsiness in everyday life.Dahl describes the "illusion of the cloak of invisibility" in the context of a related psychological phenomenon, called "projector effect." [19659002In2000psychologistsfoundthatpeopledidnotpayasmuchattentionaswethinkaboutthethingsweareawareofInanowwell-knownstudystudentspartiedinat-shirtBarryManilowandendedupoverestimatinghowmuchtheotherguestshavenoticed

The title of the Times op-ed says it all: "You are too focused on what you are too focused on."

There are benefits to realizing that other people think to you as much as you think of them

While browsing the search, I thought back to the day when I showed myself to work in boots that were heavily stained. with dirty snow. As soon as I realized, it was all I could think of every time I passed a colleague in the hallway. And even though I did not do any surveys, I guess few colleagues took the time to look at my shoes and consider my carelessness.

On the other hand, while I was writing this article, donning my metaphorical invisibility cloak, my colleagues may have noticed everything, the way I type how much I'm slouching. Who knew?

The goal here is to not feel embarrassed every time you are in public. On the contrary, as Boothby suggests in The Times, it is to understand how bad communication can occur. For example, she writes, "Employees pull their hair out of frustration while bosses subconsciously believe that their instructions are straightforward and straightforward.

Meanwhile, Margaret S. Clark, another author on paper, told Psychology Today that it's good to remember how many other people might actually think of you. Clark said, "If I want to go out to lunch with you, and I think I am thinking more than you are thinking, then I might be reluctant to ask."

Then: Remove your cloak of invisibility and ask. The other person could be pleasantly surprised and relieved.