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Fights happen but you can avoid a lot.
There are a lot of wedding tips, but if you want tips on relationships to stop fighting so much, you need to start by mastering communication techniques for conflict resolution.
Learning various successful conflict management styles is a skill that can make or break a marriage and is therefore extremely important. But the good news is that we can learn how to improve our communication skills.
"You have to be two to dance," after all. So, when one partner goes on conflict management, the other usually follows or may be brought to follow.
Couples with excellent conflict resolution skills tend to "amaze" most of us. From the outside, they have everything to please: romance, friendship, loyalty and many other enviable qualities of married life.
As all successful long-term couples can tell you, the "wow factor" has required a lot of effort.
Like most married couples, we hope for a marriage without conflict. Any authority on marriage will tell you right away, this is neither realistic nor even desirable.
Conflict serves a fundamental purpose in long-term partnerships. This is a gateway to emotional honesty. Moreover, to keep the door open to emotional honesty, one must first accept the inevitability: the conflict is inevitable and even necessary.
Many partners have problems with this concept because their stress hormones rise to uncomfortable heights. Knowing how to handle stress during a conflict is essential.
Couples who tacitly avoid conflict must learn to fight again, according to Dr. Sue Johnson, author of Hug me tight, A practical guide for couples to learn to connect to a deeper level.
Couples who have the habit of avoiding conflict coexist side by side with no deeper connection, so they must relearn how to fight so that their struggles again fuel emotional honesty and passion.
There are also uninvited emotions that manifest themselves in animated exchanges between partners that make conflict management impossible. These painful emotions are contempt and blame.
It is therefore extremely vital to avoid letting oneself go to these emotions and maintain respectful communication.
In addition, couples who know how to handle a conflict without sinking into ugly fights achieve a magical balance.
With this, here are 5 ways to improve your conflict management and your effective communication skills in your marriage.
1. Clearly define the conflict
As with any argument, disagreement or misunderstanding, rabbit streaks tend to occur. After all, in the heat of conflict, it is not uncommon to quickly see the "red".
As a result, you may be tempted to discuss previous arguments or even pile up a lot of small issues in addition to the current conflict. Naturally, this aggravates the problem by making the current conflict as clear as mud.
Instead of going in 1,000 directions, try to use clarity and define the conflict in question. In addition, make a habit of dealing with only one or two problems at a time per session. All of the above is a recipe for disaster.
2. Focus on solving the problem
In addition to defining the actual conflict, be sure to focus on solving the problem. In case of conflict, it is easy to blame or blame. You can even start looking for your partner.
This type of behavior stems from a general annoyance or anger towards your partner. While this is entirely natural, it can prevent you from solving the problem. So, stay focused on the real problem.
3. Practice empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand your partner's feelings. Do not forget that understanding is not the same as acceptance.
When you understand, you make an effort to see things from their point of view. Trying to understand helps to feel a bit of what they may have felt when the situation occurred.
In the practice of empathy, active listening is a valuable skill to use. Active listening also helps to make your partner understand that you understand them.
In addition, validate what they feel. Your partner has the right to feel what he feels, whether you agree or disagree.
This can be a complicated process for them, composed of past emotions that you ignore.
Recognizing the feelings and emotions they share with you will work wonders for your relationship. This will encourage both of you to be more open and vulnerable with each other, thus eliminating the "stalemate" position.
4. Make forgiveness a habit
Let's clear it up: to forgive someone who has more to do with you than with them. It is to release negative and harmful emotions to prevent them from dwelling inside you and to corrode your entire being.
In a wedding, it's a good idea to forgive a habit. Otherwise, you'll go round and round like a boxer in a fight ring. Once you and your partner have resolved a conflict, choose to drop it.
He embraces wholeheartedly the idea of forgiving and forgetting. This is probably one of the most difficult parts of marriage.
5. Let the little things go
Couples facing many conflicts tend to fight for little things such as dirty dishes or socks on the floor.
This is not to minimize the importance of "small" things in a wedding. However, there is a caveat to this: fighting for dirty dishes in the sink is usually not a fight for dirty dishes in the sink. Not really anyway.
By going to the heart of the conflict, you can eliminate outside noise from nonsense, such as socks or dishes. In fact, they tend to bother you less and less as you tackle real issues in your relationship.
When you learn to let go of the little things, it illuminates the core of the relationship and allows you to get back to the heart of your marriage.
Engracia Gill is a counselor and therapist. To give you an idea of how she helps her clients achieve their goals, visit her website.
This article was originally published on engraciagill.com. Reprinted with permission of the author.
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