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"I always felt lonely, misunderstood, and I had almost no one to talk to, and even before I knew it, I was diagnosed with clinical depression."
Here is the story of 25-year-old Toivo Hamutenya, who said he's been suffering from depression since his teenage years.
Born and raised in the small village of Omafa in the Omusati area, he grew up with his grandparents until he came to Windhoek for high school.
"My father worked in Oranjemund. I barely saw him or heard of him. I felt so alone most of my life. I did not realize that this could lead to depression, "Hamutenya said.
As a young boy, he was interested in music and the arts. He needed support in these areas and when he seemed to be the only one to realize that dream, he was putting his desires in a bind.
"I even wanted to have a studio in my room to produce music," he added with a smile.
Upon arriving in Windhoek, Hamutenya attended the Augustineum High School and lived with his mother and stepfather. It was during this period that he said he saw his mother being abused.
"I could not protect my mother from these abuses and, although he never got my hands on my brothers and sisters or me, it pushed me further into a corner. where no paternal figure existed, "he said.
"I started to suffer from social anxiety, I preferred to spend more time in my room than anywhere else, and I would miss school just to be alone." ", he added.
Hamutenya added that he had nearly committed suicide more than once and that he had attended many sessions with a psychologist.
"I remember being found walking around in the middle of the night looking for a tree to hang me, or locking myself up in my room with a knife, in the bathroom." intention to cut me off, "he recalls.
Shaun Whittaker, a clinical psychologist in Windhoek, said it's at this point that depression affects the best of people, usually men.
"When you start having thoughts, even if they are vague thoughts of suicide, this marks one of the red flags of depression that some people do not come back to," he explained.
Whittaker said depression is the most common reason people go to a psychologist or mental health professional.
"This psychological state is anchored in sadness at its highest level and more men than women suffer, and this goes unnoticed," said the psychologist.
He added that unlike women, men suffer from depression from age 13, due to an increase in testosterone level, peer pressure, academic pressure and certain relationships.
"All these problems are not solved and the boys suffer in silence because there is hardly anyone to prepare them for these steps and they have not learned how to handle them," said Whittaker.
This is one of the reasons why men display the highest suicide rate because they have never learned how to manage their emotions and their sadness.
Recent statistics published by the Ministry of Health indicate that in Namibia 1,801 men have committed suicide since 2014, while 333 women committed suicide during this period.
Hamutenya, unemployed, said that he had completed high school, but that he had never pursued his studies because of a depression.
"I went in and out of the hospital. I would like to see a psychologist and even doctors from the Windhoek Mental Hospital to help me cope, "he continued.
Whittaker said that while it seemed justified to be sad whenever we saw sad situations, one should always pay attention to the signs of depression and ask for help before & # 39; It is too late.
"Loss of appetite, mood swings, negative thoughts or anger at yourself, changes in sleep patterns, and nonsense or suicide, are just a few of the signs. Alarm that people should pay attention to, "he added.
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