Alex Carlton: The only question we should not ask Meghan Markle

In a scene that will be familiar to anyone over the age of 25, newlyweds Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were bailed out this week and pushed when they plan to have children.

"My husband also has red hair he gave me five children – when will you and Meghan go?" Elaine Adam-Stewart asked Harry, 33, and Meghan, 36, (his wife under two months old), has hosted crowds during a trip to Dublin

. to any question asked about him, replied cheerfully, "Five children, too much!"

The rest of us, not being royalty and therefore not used to making small conversations with the crowds on a daily basis, tend to be less well prepared when curious parents, colleagues and perfect strangers question us about our fertility status.

And ask them to do it. They ask when you meet a new guy. They ask when you reach "a certain age". Inquiries get into a feverish state when you get married. They even continue to ask after you have had a baby, wanting to be kept informed of when the next is coming.

The problem is, for many women and almost as many men, the issue of "children" is fraught with embarrassment at best and at worst, real pain. In Australia, it is estimated that a quarter of Australian women will never have children and for about a third of them, it will not be a decision they will choose.

A Deakin University study surveyed nearly 800 women without children aged 25 to 44, found that 9% were unable to have children for reasons of fertility and 24% did not. Had no children due to circumstances, for example they had not met a suitable partner.

This means that every time you ask a woman "When do you have children?" Chances are it's a deeply difficult issue for about a third of them.

What you can see as a small, airy conversation can be laden with shameful and painful connotations: No kids? It's because no one wants you. Your body is broken. You are not a real woman. And you will never find the kind of happiness of a happy parent who does the work of nature.

Maybe that's not what you think.

The excellent professional Chrissy Teigen struggled with fertility issues early in his marriage with John Legend, and in his trademark way explained the pain "I will honestly say, John and I have some problems, "she said with a commendable frankness about the Tyra Banks show in 2015. She explained that for many people there is an immense shame – and quite often fear – around the search for" a lot ". a fertility treatment and that being questioned about it only adds to the stress.

"So when someone asks me if I'm going to have children, I say to myself," One day, you're going to ask the bad girl who's really struggling, and it's going to be really hurtful. " for them, "she added. "So I hate it (when people ask me) Stop asking me!"

I admit that I made the mistake myself. Part of my job when I interview celebrities is to ask them about their baby creation projects. I do not entirely apologize for this – because one of the trade-offs of earning millions of dollars to be famous is to give the public who made you famous information about your life.

But there have been times when, with nonsense

I remember having pushed and pushed a woman who, in hindsight, was almost certainly struggling to conceive

And I l & 39; I did it with the blunt naivety of someone who had never imagined that babies were not something you could just go out when you wanted it. I remember being surprised by the flash of pain that ran through her face and irritated by the sharpness of her response.

It was only later, when I became more aware of the reality of infertility, that I realized. If you're reading this, I'm really sorry.

Opponents will say that we are all becoming delicate and melted snowflakes that can not have a normal conversation without fainting from hypersensitivity or reaching the odorous salts. the time we wade into a difficult subject.

It's just a little conversation! What else is out of bounds – ask someone what they do for a living in case they come to be fired? Ask someone what car they drive in case they have lost their driver's license?

Fertility is not a job or a car. These are the most personal, private factors and likely to change a person's life, whether or not they have children. We are more shy when we ask ourselves about our wages or our real estate prices than about something that touches our soul.

Ask for something else. If a woman does not have children, let her tell her story if and when she wants it, in her own words.

Gossip about Harry and Meghan. Just maybe stick to his outfits and not to their family plans.