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The fear of recurrence should not take over.
If you are a breast cancer survivor like me (or any cancer survivor), you struggle with the fear, anxiety, and worry of recurrence of your cancer.
You could think about it all the time. Or maybe you claim that it is not there.
If you're lucky, you're managing it pretty well … at least for the moment.
No matter how long you are dealing with it, the fear of recurrence is always present throughout a remission of cancer.
Yet, you probably never admit it (or rarely) to anyone. It is time to talk about it and solve the problem by overcoming fear.
Fears are normal, but it is not always easy to live with.
There are three things that I want you to understand about your fear, things with which you have to make peace so that you can go ahead.
1. It's with you for life
The fear of recurrence never disappears. Sometimes he gets up again after you think about leaving him behind. Something will trigger your fear, like:
- Feeling absent for a few weeks without knowing why.
- Must have a precautionary MRI.
- A friend or family member is diagnosed with cancer.
- Your blood tests at a routine annual checkup are accompanied by discrepancies.
Even if your risk of recurrence is low, there will be times when you will be afraid of your cancer recurring (or likely to recur).
2. It is rational (and correct) to fear recurrence, but it can overwhelm you.
It makes sense to worry that your cancer will come back (or may have). It is not abnormal or strange to have these feelings. Everyone has them.
So, whatever you do, do not try to hide them or claim that they do not exist, it would only make things worse.
Fear tends to metastasize when it is ignored. It is at this moment that it gets the upper hand and can ruin your ability to be happy and to your sanity.
Sometimes your fear can become overwhelming. You are not weird or abnormal for that.
Humans tend to be overwhelmed by fear. And let me tell you that there is nothing to stop you from admitting that you are overwhelmed by the fear of recurrence.
Whenever your fear becomes unbearable, it means you must act.
To ignore it or to pretend that it is not the case will only aggravate it.
Although being submerged is a distinctly human trait, the good news is that you can fix it.
Recognize the feeling, identify what you feel, then ask for help.
Although you may need professional help, this is not necessarily the case.
Start by talking to your doctor, a family member or a friend. You might even consider joining a support group.
3. You can reduce – even become "comfortable" – with your fear
The fact that your fear is rational and always present does not mean that you can not diminish it.
And that does not mean that you can not live a happy and healthy life.
The problem with fear is that, although some fears never go away, they can be managed.
When you manage them properly, they do not stop you from living a fulfilling life.
What you need is the right state of mind.
The one who feels comfortable with your fear by accepting his existence and allowing him to stay in order to protect you.
When I had a treatment for breast cancer, I watched a lot of women with horror.
What has bothered me, is how stadiums of breast cancer have been consumed by all. That's all they could think of and talk about.
I did not want that to happen.
Once the treatment was over, I noticed that some women still could not let themselves go. What stood in their way was fear.
At first they could not overcome their fear of death, disfigurement of a mastectomy or lumpectomy and / or pain caused by treatment.
Once the treatment ended, they transferred all this fear into a single fear: the risk of recurrence.
This fear overwhelmed them and took over.
If it's you, I want to tell you something: it's time to give up.
Life is dirty and difficult. And there is always something to fear. You could be hit by a car tomorrow. Or you may have to deal with the death of a loved one.
I know it sounds hard, but it's part of life. Do not let that go beyond you. Let him go and learn to live your life.
Because you are here, ma'am.
But it's not because you have cancer that you have to live with the overwhelming fear that it will come back for the rest of your life.
Here are 5 tips to help you reduce and manage your fear of recurrence and make peace with your breast cancer.
1. Know your triggers
You must understand what triggers your fear. When does your fear become the most perceptible?
Is it every time you celebrate your "birthday" of cancer? During the times when you are celebrating (and you fear it is the last)?
When are you going to your annual balance sheets? Or every time you enter a hospital?
Start paying attention to what triggers you – and how your body and mind respond to it.
Are you starting to sweat? Does your heart start to wrap? Do you remember when you were diagnosed? How does your fear manifest in you?
This knowledge will help you determine the best way to manage your fear.
2. Inquire
Understand your real risk of recurrence, why it occurs and the symptoms.
I am often surprised to see how many women do not know and are terrified by things that are not real.
Most of this is because they have remained so uninformed.
The best way to find out is to talk to your doctor.
Ask questions and be curious about what symptoms to watch for and what to do if you are concerned that something is wrong.
Knowledge, it's power, use it to your advantage.
3. Stay connected
It is much easier to overcome the fear of recurrence by living your life. But here's the thing about life: you need to stay in touch with others.
Living your life means going out with people you love, trusting them and listening to their problems openly.
This will bring you out of your own bubble and into the world. It's part of your way of overcoming fear.
And if you need to talk about your fear, find someone you trust and with whom you can talk.
Either a trusted friend or a family member, support group or professional.
And if the person you choose to confide in does not help you, find someone who can.
4. Prioritize well-being
Part of your life is to ensure your own mental, emotional and physical well-being.
And that includes doing what you can to be healthy.
You do not need to eat to perfection, to exercise every day and completely give up alcohol.
But the truth is: you will reduce your risk of re-offending by taking good care of yourself.
Some foods help fight cancer, but alcohol is (unfortunately) not the best friend of breast cancer survivors and exercise reduces the risk of recurrence (the survival rate at Cancer over 10 years is higher in patients who exercise regularly after cancer than in those who do not).
You must not only take care of your physical well-being, but also your mental and emotional well-being.
Effective stress management can help you live happier and healthier lives (and may even improve your chances of survival in the long run).
And the fear of recurrence is stressful in addition to the daily stress of life.
It is important that you find ways to manage and reduce your stress level.
There are many ways to do it and each has its own advantages.
What matters is what ultimately works for you (because they are not all the same size).
Here are some healthy coping behaviors that could help you manage your stress:
- Newspaper
- Practice daily gratitude
- Meditate regularly
- Regular massage
- Join a support group
5. Have a plan and follow it
Your last tip is to develop a plan based on what triggers your fear, how your fear manifests itself in you, what you know about your risk of recurrence, and what can be done to reduce your risk ( and your stress).
It will depend in part on your fear.
However, you can follow several steps:
- Step 1: Recognize fear. Remember, fear is more likely to take control if you try to ignore it or pretend that it does not exist. Be honest with yourself about its existence.
- 2nd step: Name your fear. Be specific about what you fear and what causes it.
- Step 3: To be curious. Depending on what you fear and where it comes from, be curious about how you might handle these triggers differently, which could help reduce your fear.
- Step 4: Create your plan of action. Based on what you have found, create an appropriate action plan to help you deal with your fear and follow it when you need it.
Throughout my fight against cancer, I was afraid of dying and most of them were related to dying too young – because of my boys.
They were only 2 and 6 years old at the time of my diagnosis and I did not want them to grow up without me.
Once I learned that I was cancer free, I (naively) thought that was the case. I'll fend like a glove and never do it again.
That is, until I feel a small mass in my chest a few months later, which terrifies me.
I had triple negative breast cancer.
The good news is that triple-negative breast cancer often responds better to chemotherapy and the risk of recurrence decreases over time.
The bad news is that it is more aggressive (and therefore more likely to spread) and has a high recidivism rate in the first five years after treatment.
In addition, there are no drugs available to help reduce the risk of recurrence.
Fortunately, the mass has turned out to be nothing. But once Pandora's box of fear was opened, she did not disappear. I needed a better way to manage it.
I realized that my trigger was related to health. Whenever I felt bad and I could not explain it, I immediately feared recurrence.
I therefore learned more about recurrence symptoms and what I could do to reduce my risk.
And then I developed my plan of action:
- Exercise regularly (at least 4 times a week).
- Keep the stress level low by conscious meditation.
- Eat healthy foods (and limit the consumption of sugar and alcohol).
- Stay alert to changes in your health and give yourself 2 weeks of unwellness for unexplained reasons before calling my doctor (but call the doctor no matter how stupid I feel).
- Call my oncologist whenever something alarming comes up.
The implementation of this plan has given me some measure of control. And this helped to significantly reduce my fear of recurrence.
And now it's up to you. Prepare your plan and take control of that fear.
Although you have to live with it for the rest of your life, you can reduce it and control it. You can even live happily.
Heather Moulder is a coach, lawyer and founder of Course Correction Coaching who works with professionals who are successful on paper and who are not yet satisfied with life and who know that there must be more things in the world. life without knowing how to make changes for better. Contact Heather for weekly tips and strategies on how to clarify the situation, be confident and cope with the anxiety and fear of being a cancer survivor.
This article was originally published on Course Correction Coaching. Reprinted with permission of the author.
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