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It's the meaning we give to autism and the way we react that makes it enjoyable.
Parents of children with autism may be subject to higher stress levels, psychiatric problems and poorer health than parents of neurotypical children.
So every time a new study is published that indicates that the prevalence rate of autism has increased againIt also means that more and more parents are struggling to become a parent, spouse, employee, family member, friend, etc., with special needs.
In other words, nothing else stops in life because their child has a diagnosis of autism. If anything, life demands more when it comes to parenting.
I know it because I am also the parent of 11-year-old autistic twins. And I have a 2-year-old neurotypical girl who is too young to understand that for the moment. But one day she will do it.
And we will make sure that she knows well and accepts autism and autistic children.
Stress, irritability, sadness, anxiety, depression? Yes, I've experimented everything and I could easily build a case study for someone who wants to know more about autism and its effects on parents.
But do not get me wrong, I love autism, I love my kids and the parent I became. I also love life that I have because I have learned to have more good days than less good days.
And you too will be able to navigate successfully on this autistic care journey.
If you are the parent of an autistic child, here are 6 simple tips on parenting and preconceptions.
1. Know that you are an emerging expert on autism
You do not need a university degree or a person with a university degree in psychology or behavioral analysis to talk to you about your child's autism. At first, it's nice to hear the information and resources, but you live every day with autism. Autism is a family for you, just like your child.
No one else can tell you what autism is or is not in your child or what your child can and can not do as a result of autism. What you have is more than many students and experts in the field will be able to acquire during their lifetime.
You have experience and work towards obtaining an honorary doctorate in autism with your child as a teacher, department director and dean.
Who better to teach you about their autism than them?
2. Know that your child is partially autistic and that everything you raise to make it
It becomes easy to adopt the mentality that you have lost your child because of autism. It is even easier to adopt the belief that you need to find a "cure" to somehow cure your child of autism, as if you have been diagnosed with the flu.
Your child is always your child. And their autism is only part of what they are and never the whole.
If all you see is autism and an autistic child, it says more about where you are emotionally and mentally than where they are. And that's normal, at first.
Autistic children are very capable of anything you want to see them become. Adapting to your expectations and your schedule is usually the main adjustment to make.
3. Do not forget that autism does not define you
Just as autism does not define your child, it should not define you and your parenting skills either.
Of course, life is demanding and continuous. But that's true for the parents of all children. You will actually learn to focus better in many ways. Or simply, you'll learn how to do the essentials.
Just because you are an autistic parent does not mean you have to call yourself. It's the same as identifying oneself as a "typical" parent. Nobody does that! But it is acceptable to tackle it when necessary.
4. You have permission to enjoy life according to a separate set of rules
It's easy to become sad and depressed when you compare your life and that of your child to that of others. You begin to feel worse or to love life as unfair because you do not have the opportunity to live like others.
An interesting aspect of autism is that it is not obliged to conform to the norms of society. This means that your life as a parent does not always have to be compliant either. You can say no to the company's family picnic with colleagues you barely love, because you have a better way to spend that time.
Whether professionally, socially (friends, family, spouse, dating), medically, spiritually, politically or financially, you can live outside the box of what is "normal" and create your own sense of normalcy.
Why be an average parent when you can be exceptional?
5. Know that you have not done anything wrong
No matter what studies you read, there is always an allusion to something you could have done differently.
For example, you have vaccinated your child, you have been exposed to pesticides, you have had children too late, you have not read enough to your child, you have not done enough time in your stomach, or you transmitted it genetically.
Honestly, this list could go on and on. Absolutely, you have not done anything wrong, you are not a bad parent and you have a lot of love to give.
Consider the following scripture taken from Exodus 4:11:
Then the Lord said to him, "Who made the mouth of the man? Who makes him dumb, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is not it me, the Lord?
You did not do that to your child. In fact, according to this writing, autism is not a defect; it is a different human conception that God creates for his own purpose.
Look at what John 9: 1-3 has to say:
By the way, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples said to him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" In him.
6. You are elected
No child was born to a parent as a source of punishment. There is a saying that says, "Children are a gift from God." For divine reasons, he chose you to be a lawyer, a nurturer and a protector of the spirit, body and spirit of this child here on Earth.
This child could have been born of someone else, but there is something unique about you that makes this child, even more unique, his special mission in life. Often, during our career, a special mission comes with additional benefits, higher compensation or a special promotion to come without us being informed at the time of the event. ;advanced.
You have been given special talents earlier in life for this occasion. It is now time to post them.
Parental autism is not easy. And, in many cases, it can put into question everything you believe about your faith, your family, your friends, and yourself. But that's what makes us stronger in life anyway.
Just like the muscle fibers of bodybuilders who tear themselves apart to blossom, your original vision of yours and your child's life will also have to be a little torn apart. The more you incorporate these beliefs into your daily life with autism, the stronger you will become as a parent, spouse, advocate and person in general.
Dr. Eric A Williams is a husband and father of 11 identical twin boys diagnosed with severe autism, father of a 2-year-old neurotypical girl, autism advocate, presenter and board member of the Autism Society of Cumberland. Fayetteville County, North Carolina and Mariposa School for Children with Autism in Cary, North Carolina. He also practices as a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and Registered Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in Fayetteville, North Carolina.
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