Premature Menopause: "When I was 30 years old, my period did not come and I thought I was pregnant"

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Nicole Evans

Nicole Evans was diagnosed with premature menopause at age 30. Evans writes for BBC 100 Women on the impact of infertility and on how he likened the diagnosis.

For a few years, my periods were less abundant, but when I spoke to the health staff of New Zealand, my country, they attributed it to a natural effect of the pill. When there was not a month, I had my period, I went to the doctor, excited because I thought I was pregnant. I was married a year earlier and we had just started talking about having a baby.

But the pregnancy test was negative. My doctor did a blood test and I was quoted at another visit to explain that my hormone levels were not normal. I was referred to a hormone specialist and I was diagnosed with premature menopause. I did not know that the ovaries could stop working at this age, it was an incredible shock.

Today's feminism tells us that we can have everything and that we should want everything, with our conditions and our rhythms. But the cost we pay for this lie when circumstances interfere in the way we planned is very high.

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Nicole Evans

I think famous people have a lot to do in terms of raising awareness of fertility. When it is wrongly inferred that the fertility of a woman is, directly or indirectly, something that easily exists up to the age of 50, it is easy to find a woman's fertility. ignore signs that there may be problems. I did not know that, in general, a woman's fertility begins to decline at age 30.

We decided to do an in vitro fertilization cycle with an egg donor, a great friend. We felt very optimistic and we expected it to be the solution to all our problems. However, we ended up with only one viable embryo to transfer and this did not end during pregnancy. It was very sad for all of us involved.

• Infertility in men: "I felt that my life was deteriorating and they offered me no help"

A year later, another friend offered to help us, but this time I had a lot of doubts. It was the last cycle funded by the government and psychologically, I felt safer during treatment. When you are in the middle of a fertility treatment, it can be very difficult to go out even every morning.

But we decided to bet on the second cycle because he was 32 years old. Time was running.

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What is menopause?

• Menopause is the biological stage of a woman 's life that begins when she stops having her menstrual period.
• The rules may be less frequent for months or years before menopause
• Other symptoms are hot flushes, lack of concentration, headaches, anxiety, decreased sexual desire and difficulty sleeping
• Menopause usually occurs between 45 and 55 years
• About one in 100 women under 40 have premature menopause, also known as premature ovarian failure

Source: NHS UK

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Unfortunately, both implantations of this cycle did not become pregnancies either, and we did not have the financial or emotional resources to invest in a third cycle.

I could not consider adoption. After undergoing physical therapy, I should start another intervention (regarding our relationship, our work, our family life, our finances) as part of an exhausting process. Of course, I understood why it was necessary, but I did not see myself able to cope with it after the trauma that I had already experienced.

I touch the bottom. Emotional anxiety related to the loss of our potential children I followed ahíHowever, we are rationally trying to overcome it. And this anxiety that I felt until one night in particular. I was with a friend and her newborn and, after they left, I found that the desire to have a baby was gone. Quite simply, he was gone.

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Nicole Evans

I could not explain it otherwise: I believe that God has taken away this deep aspiration of the heart. And if I look back, I know now that it's because I had something better planned for me: a closer relationship with him.

It seems that a large number of doctors are unaware of premature menopause. I have discussed with many women in the support group that I have told them: when they inform the doctor that their periods have become irregular, they direct them as much to specialists as after a certain time limit.

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I'm at hormone replacement therapy since I was diagnosed. I am very grateful for this treatment, because even in the 1940s, as now, it is very difficult to talk about hot flashes, bad moods and mental fog caused by menopause. You feel too embarrassed when it comes to talking.

Not having to buy sanitary products every month is an advantage. But it took me a while to recognize the positive aspects of this type.

I believe that Western culture, resistant to aging and adversity, prevents us from facing the natural processes of life. We specialize so much in turning away from difficult realities, feeding on comforting lies, that we have a very limited idea of ​​what makes a life truly satisfying.

• "I am a tangle of hormones": the woman who chose menopause at 22

Premature menopause may have caused me a lot of pain, but it has also revealed the disappointment that true satisfaction is in health, youth and perfection. Our journey through infertility was a crisis and we had to rebuild our world from scratch, but this certainly strengthened us both individually and as a couple.

He taught us many lessons: our true identity transcends our circumstances; think of the blessings we have; have more compassion for others; and to approach life with an open mind, among others. We may not have everything, but we have everything we need.

This note is part of the # 100Women season, winner of several international awards, in which the BBC devotes every year since 2013 a large space reserved for women and draws a list of 100 women from around the world illustrating their achievements, struggles or extraordinary experiences.

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