This week on our favorite show, Rich women doing things, rich women have done things. They were lying in their halls, howling at the moon in the hope that their tiny puppies named Sue would join them, then call the communicator. They have face masks that are imbued with not only jewelry, gems, and gold but also reiki energy as if it were some sort of witch’s potion that can be poured over diaphanous skin. rich women and make them better people. They crawl on the floor in beige leather pants cleaning up after their dogs while their husbands spank their asses with a broom as we now watch very, very, very beautiful porn.
Most importantly, wealthy women spend a million dollars digging their basements so their husbands can have a golf simulator when they could probably just get a Nintendo Switch for around $ 300. Heck, you could probably pay Kim Richards $ 50 to steal one for you at Thousand Oaks Target. Okay, it’s not the rich women, it’s just Crystal, and this whole scene is absolutely bonkers. Sure, she lowered the price to $ 500,000, but who really wants a finished basement, I’m sorry, “lower level”. No one ever uses these things because no one wants to hang out in the humidity where there is no light. Alright, alright, I can see someone in the entertainment world having a basement screening room because it doesn’t matter if you watch a movie, but the rest is just plain insane. No one will pay half a million more for this house because you can play fake golf in the basement. Sorry, this is crazy.
It’s about as insane as the story Erika tells Kyle when they meet for reiki facials. (And God bless Kathy Hilton for saying she logs off as soon as the facialist starts talking about her third eye or her chakras because seriously.) Erika says her husband Tom’s house has been broken into and that he confronted the burglar and then ended up in the hospital for surgery. Then his son was involved in some way or another, and while he was driving home it was snowing and his car overturned five times. She was aware of all this at Garcelle’s Haitian dinner but did not speak about it, just as she did not discuss her divorce from Tom. This is crazy for me. Who hasn’t been to an event where there was something you couldn’t or didn’t want to talk about, but you end up looking distracted or not with it. Erika was just ignoring him to an almost admirable level.
Either way, the story itself seems totally crazy, but like Kyle and Dorit, I want to buy it. After all, the house was broken into around the time it was filmed, or at least someone reported to the police that it was. Also, there are places not far from Pasadena where it could have snowed in January, so maybe he had an accident in the snow. Just as Erika told them the car tipped over five times, Kyle and Dorit increased it to six in the story. Maybe it’s just a case of the phone hype and her son skidded in the snow, and it got bigger until he was as big as Brandi Glanville’s lips, and now here we are. , with Erika’s son taking Tom to the moon because he tried to beat Jesse James when he ransacked his mansion.
There must be seeds of truth in this story. Why would Erika make it up from scratch? It’s not like she needs to make up a storyline this season. But, just like his last story about Tom’s accident, there are so many questions. How did the son know he had been stolen? Why did he come and not the rest of Tom’s family? If Erika divorces, why did the son react so quickly? And did she hear any of this from her son or from some other source? It’s like when Katie Maloney fell through a skylight while doing a Monopoly photoshoot, I have more questions than Ariana Grande has ex-fiancés, and none of them have any questions. reply. There may be very reasonable answers to these questions, or there may not be, but, sister, you can’t just drop a story like that and go.
When Kyle and Dorit tell this story to their husbands, they’re about as skeptical as just about everyone in the audience, but I was very distracted because PK can’t eat a perfectly roasted piece of salmon without it. mayonnaise or tartar sauce because he’s basically Tiny Tim’s crutch if it gets stuck in a septic tank. Although the story seems incredible, Kyle and Dorit ask why Erika would lie about it. PK, a neck looking for a head to disappoint, says he believes Erika was in a controlling marriage and is still being controlled. He says Tom told her to say this, and she accepted it. But why would Tom make up this story unless he said that a bunch of very valuable assets were taken in the theft? I guess that’s plausible. I don’t know, this all sounds strange, and I don’t think we’ll get any good answers until at least the meeting and probably after that.
But now comes my favorite part of every recap, and that’s the clown on the Dorit section of the walkthrough. This episode was the big launch party for her Doriting Down the Aisle wedding dresses by Dorit and Alene Two Point Oh! She starts by inviting every woman by sending them a single rose and a mirrored invitation issued by a really handsome man named Rhino, and I’d like to know if he has an Instagram. I ask a friend (This friend is my cock). Perhaps the only person in this episode hotter than Rhino is Keith, the 49-year-old kickboxer (with no kids and a set of abs that could put Cadbury out of business) that a matchmaker wants to put Garcelle with. Now I want to let this man destroy my life, my body, my credit and my Uber rating, but there has to be a catch. How is such a sexy man still single? Is that a Trader Joe’s cashier? Is it running a QAnon Reddit page? Does he think toilet paper should go under the roll rather than over it? It must be something.
Anyway, Dorit is talking a big game about her six dresses (did anyone notice that in her sketches for the dresses, the woman wearing the dress was a Bratz doll version of Dorit? ?) And the party she’s going to throw to start them. “If I put my name on something, you better believe it’s my work, it’s my creativity, it’s my design,” she says. Yes. It’s his work, his creativity and his dot dot dot design in a Buca di Beppo in the valley.
Dorit keeps saying how awesome she’s throwing a party, but the party is then planned by Nick, her very beefy party planner. I mean, it’s like saying I’m a great clothes designer because I bought a Thom Browne suit. (Plus, if you knew how much Vulture paid me, you’d know I’m as close to buying a Thom Browne suit as Kylie Jenner is to finishing college.) Then she releases the party theme. on us. It’s a wedding theme… for a bridal wear launch. Flowers for spring. Innovative.
Then, even worse, the party is at her place. She relates how in better times she would have attended a big party and had brides on ladders 50 feet in the air with clouds or something. Instead, they’re just the cast, and they’re all in an overpriced mansion in Encino. That’s what drives me crazy about Dorit. She just can’t let anything take hold on earth. It must be the biggest, the richest, the fanciest, when in reality it’s just a party at her house with a caterer and a bouquet of white roses. But here is a woman who rented a sound system and a microphone to talk about her dresses in her own living room. It’s like hiring Wong Kar-Wai to lead your OnlyFans.
There are a lot of great outfits at the party, however, most of them aren’t on the brides. Can we have a minute to appreciate Erika’s knocker ponytail, which is a piece of hair connected to a ring that is coiled into a bun? It’s one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen on TV, and I’ve watched Joe millionaire. Kyle also looks amazing in a black ensemble and her combed hair, and Kathy Hilton arrived with “her architect”. This is how you know people are rich. They don’t have a cleaner, decorator, or Pilates teacher; they have an architect they can move to functions incredibly close to where they are filming Cobra Kai.
The fight Garcelle and Dorit have at the party is completely incomprehensible. While all the ladies are on their feet, executive producer Kyle C Richards asks Garcelle about a quote she made in an interview, saying that all the ladies were coming to pick her up. When Dorit questions her, Garcelle says that Dorit is the one coming after her. Dorit is crazy that Garcelle does not tell her about her problems with Dorit in the face or what? I do not know. Dorit says she’s upset that Garcelle doesn’t say anything in the group but talks loudly when they’re not around to make each other more interesting or something? I do not know.
The problem seems to be that Garcelle doesn’t feel out of place, so she doesn’t think she can voice her concerns to the group because no one is supporting her. It’s also why she can’t just tell Dorit to shut up. She feels so insecure in the group dynamics that she always tries to befriend these women who will inevitably freeze her. Perhaps that is why she does these “excavations” in Dorit; she is afraid that if she really makes her opinion known, she will be shunned. As for telling Dorit that she is talking to each other too much in the face, it didn’t work out well for Kyle, her friend of several years. Dorit says she wants Garcelle to confront her, but Dorit really doesn’t want to at all. She of course sets Garcelle up for failure when she would have to worry about 1,400 pearls slipping off her $ 35,000 gown and ruining the floors of an Encino house that she and her husband really can’t. to afford.