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Dear Amy: My 31 year old daughter is “happy with her size”. She doesn’t seem to care that she weighs almost 300 pounds at 5ft 5in – until she has a change in mood then she gets mad at me because I’m not tall like her.
I never broach the subject – never. I don’t know what to say and have to be very careful how I approach the subject.
Other than that, we get along well.
I fear his health is in danger, but I dare not say a word about his excess weight.
All (or most) of his friends are also very tall.
She doesn’t like that I’m smaller. I don’t know what to do or say.
At a loss for words)
Expensive at a loss: If you never discuss weight with your daughter, it’s not entirely clear how you know that she is mad at you so deeply.
She’s an adult and she’s free to make unhealthy choices just like you. What she can’t do is blame or shame you. The same goes for you, by the way.
The National Health Lung and Blood Institute of the National Institutes of Health states the following: “Obesity is a serious disease that can lead to complications such as metabolic syndrome, high blood pressure, atherosclerosis, heart disease, diabetes, high cholesterol, cancers and sleep disturbances.
According to the CDC: From 1999 to 2018, the prevalence of obesity in the United States increased from 30.5% to 42.4%. At the same time, the prevalence of severe obesity fell from 4.7% to 9.2%.
Yet despite the risk factors presented by obesity, according to these two sources, it is possible to be both obese and in good health.
You say that you would feel better if your daughter felt worse, that you might actually be happier if she was unhappy. She is your daughter. How would his misfortune serve any of you?
My point is that misfortune does not help a person lose weight; in fact, I believe the opposite to be true. Happiness is generally good for health.
A person needs to tap into a store of strength and self-esteem to embark on a health journey.
You are not responsible for your daughter’s mood swings and you should not let her manipulate you. Encourage her to have regular check-ups.
Dear Amy: My 25 year old stepdaughter is an absolute dream, adorable, intelligent and thoughtful. She is working full time at her first professional job.
She has a habit I’m not sure. When she is upset, she cries so hard that she can become hysterical. She will then seek comfort and, once received, will recover quickly and well.
It’s not a common occurrence, but I wonder if this is how an adult should treat their feelings?
Uncertain
Dear uncertain: Whether this is how an adult should deal with his feelings is almost irrelevant; that’s how your daughter-in-law Is process his feelings. I suspect she does this primarily (or only) with family members.
My take is that as long as she doesn’t create or extend drama beyond her limited lifespan, and as long as she makes a full recovery, you have to accept this as an emotional surge that she will learn. likely to modulate as it continues to mature.
Many of us have had (swallow) embarrassing bouts of crying at work. Hopefully she will be spared this experience.
Dear Amy: “Desperate” was the grandmother of two very disturbed teenage grandchildren and a grandchild who appeared stable.
Desperate’s daughter was pressuring her to take one of these teens for the summer.
The suggestion you made to the grandmother to have a grandchild who not staying with her for a while was perfect.
This teenager would do well to get away from the drama at home.
I was 17 when my brother died. My parents were consumed with grief that summer and our home life was a mess. I was already a temperamental teenager and didn’t need to deal with a crisis day in and day out.
I am eternally grateful to a woman who offered me a summer job to babysit her children. I needed to get as far away from home as possible.
I will always be grateful to this lady. Her children, now grown up, still remember the fun we had that summer.
It was a ray of hope in an otherwise miserable situation.
Grateful
Dear grateful: It is a profound tribute to the healing power offered by homework and the distractions of caring for children.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
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