Our alternative NZ tour for Harry and Meghan

The Duke and Duchess’ New Zealand itinerary is – how shall we put it – a little staid.

They will, by the sounds of it, be treated to some fine cultural performances, see a few famous sites, learn a little about our conservation efforts and get to hang out, not only with official types but also kids, young creatives and mountain bikers.

Somehow though, it all sounds a bit formal and unadventurous. For many, Harry and Meghan represent the modern face of the monarchy – surely they should be allowed to have a little off-beat fun.

So, in preparation for their arrival, we’ve put together some alternative suggestions – just in case they decide to be spontaneous for a change.

READ MORE:
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* Why Namibia is a perfect honeymoon destination for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle

Sunday, October 28: Wellington

The first face Harry and Meghan will see when they step off their Royal New Zealand Air Force flight to Wellington will be our fair Prime Minister’s, and that seems perfectly apt.

Jacinda Ardern has promised them a “warm welcome”, and the royal couple sent her a congratulatory message after the birth of baby Neve, so she’s pretty much their closest mate in the country. The three are around a similar age and will surely bond over new parenthood, although Ardern’s promised not to dish out advice, knowing all too well what it can be like to be on the receiving end.

It would be nice if they had time for a proper chat at one of Wellington’s famously fine cafes but they have an official welcome on the lawns of Government House to attend to, complete with hongi, pōwhiri, haka and 21-gun salute. Then it’s off to Pukeahu National War Memorial Park to lay a wreath, see the new UK War Memorial and go on a “public walkabout”.

It all sounds very prim and proper, but it would be a shame for the Duke and Duchess to miss out on what has earned the Windy City the much nicer moniker of the “coolest little capital” in the world.

After all that ceremony, they’ll probably be in need of a pick-me-up and a visit to the good Shepherd restaurant, with its special Sunday brunch menu, should do the trick. They can dine on imaginative interpretations of Kiwi brunch favourites: Think cheese and kimchi toasties, hapuka belly bacon with cheese, chutney and pastries, and roasted kumara with shitake ketchup, fresh curd and kawakawa.

Since they’ll be at Pukeahu anyway, they really should make time to see The Great Exhibition created by Sir Peter Jackson, which brings the Kiwi World War One experience to life through movie-like sets, colourised photos and an immersive trench-under-attack experience. Either that, or Weta Workshop’s equally affecting Gallipoli exhibit at Te Papa.

After putting themselves through the emotional wringer in the name of learning more about our history, they’ve surely earned the right to a bit of purely hedonistic fun. And what better way to let loose than on the Wellington craft beer trail? Yes, Meghan is preggers but every good watering hole offers decent drinks for non-boozers these days and the establishments along the trail exude the cooler-than-thou vibe that gives the city its edge.

Set in the bowels of a former police station, Hashigo Zake (Japanese for bar hopping, pub crawl or liquor ladder) will give them a taste of how the other half live, although with his hipster beard, we’re sure Harry will fit in just fine. The Little Beer Quarter (LBQ for short) is another must-visit for serious beer imbibers, with 14 rotating taps, two handpulls and more than a 100 beers in the fridge. The States-sized burgers would make Meghan feel right at home but the Parrotdog Plisner with battered fish puts a contemporary spin on a Kiwi classic. If they’d rather knock back their bevvies in private, Garage Project, started by three mates in an old petrol station, offers a stellar selection of avant-garde brews, including champagne pilsner Hops on Pointe, black forest gateau-inspired Verbotene Fruchte and the Unconditional Love IPA.

Alternatively, they could steal a small slice of freedom and take a mini roadie to Cape Palliser. They look like they could do with a bit more ruggedry in their lives.  

Monday, October 29: Abel Tasman National Park

Everyone kayaks and goes on a boat ride in Abel Tasman so as adventurous, trendsetting young royals, Harry and Meghan are going to want to do something a bit more outre. Their itinerary includes a guided trail walk, beach barbie and tree planting which is all very lovely but, if we’re honest, a little on the tame side. 

I would have suggested canyoning, which would have seen them hike through near-millennia-old native trees to the top of a remote canyon before climbing, abseiling, jumping and sliding their way down, but that’s probably not advisable for Meghan right now.

Instead, they may as well make the most of the money at their disposal and take a scenic microlight flight across the park. It’s just efficient really – they only have a couple of hours to take in the 22,530 hectare park. The aircraft feature hang gliding wings, so it feels a bit like you’re doing an extreme sport, but the Rotax engines and certified pilots at the controls reduce the risk factor.

Tasman Sky Adventures’ Abel Tasman tour takes off from Motueka and follows the coastline to Tapu Bay before hitting (don’t worry, not literally) the green canopies and golden sands of the national park. The flight only lasts 30 minutes so the couple may have time to tack on a few extra sites. Customised “grand tours” can also take in the likes of the marble and limestone cliffs of Takaka Hill and Harwood’s Hole (where they could descend into the largest cave network in the Southern Hemisphere if they have enough caving experience).

Tuesday, October 30: Auckland

With just a day in New Zealand’s biggest city, Auckland Tourism, Events and Economic Development general manager destination, Steve Armitage, has recommended the couple “head to the Auckland War Memorial Museum to check out the world’s largest collection of Māori taonga”, visit Great Barrier or see a volcano or 48.

Those are all fair suggestions I suppose, but the couple has shown a fondness for heading off the beaten track (they’ve camped in the bush Botswana and stayed in the tiny, shop and restaurant-free Norwegian town of Tromway) as well as cultural activities and engaging with local communities.

Their itinerary is misguided then in sending them to the North Shore; they’re better off heading to the under-appreciated south. Shown little love by many Aucklanders, let alone tourists, South Auckland could do with a positive spell in the spotlight, and the couple would certainly feel a world away from the royal borough they call home.

Sadly, they’ll miss the weekend Otara Flea Market, where they could have enjoyed such Pacific culinary classics as hāngī and island donuts, nabbed a locally handcrafted bargain (Meghan has already shown a fondness for Fijian dresses and clutches) while soaking up the vibe of the so-called Polynesian capital of the world.

They can still get an Island-sized helping of Pacific culture at the Māngare Arts Centre though, which showcases Māori and Pacific Island visual and performing arts. As the new Commonwealth Youth Ambassador, the Duke should appreciate that the onsite cafe supports development programmes for local youngsters.

If that’s a bit much urban grit for one day, they could head further south still to Karioitahi Beach which, with its black sand and big waves, is like Piha and Muriwai without the big crowds. It’s a popular fishing spot and Meghan proved herself a competent fly fisherwoman on a pre-Harry trip to Lake Wanaka, so she might be keen to give ocean casting a go.  

After living like non-VIPs for the day they could probably do with a little pampering and Castaways Resort – with its luxury chalets, spa treatments including pregnancy massages and “gents’ executive facials”, and restaurant dishing up fancy versions of Kiwi favourites (think whitebait fritters and local grilled seafood) – is conveniently close by.

Or, for a royal-appropriate version of the classic Kiwi camping experience, they could spend the night at off-the-grid Glam Camping, where they’d be left to fend for themselves with little more than a gourmet dinner and breakfast package complete with cooking instructions, barbecue and bottle of wine. Poor darlings. But having survived that Botswana bush camp, we’ll sure they’ll manage.

Wed October 31: Rotorua

Once again, the imaginative folk behind the royal tour are sending the couple to the most obvious spots – Rainbow Springs and the Redwoods Treewalk.

Yes, getting to name a couple of kiwi chicks and walk among wooded giants is pretty cool, but wouldn’t it be better for them to experience New Zealand at its purest and most unadulterated? Plus, we’re sure that, as a native Californian, Meghan would have seen plenty of redwoods in her neck of the woods.

An ideal date night for Harry and Meghan involves staying in and cooking dinner – he proposed while they were roasting a chicken – so they’re sure to appreciate a few days with Māori master chef Charles Royal (his name alone surely proves he’s destined to be their guide). Charles began his culinary career as a field chef in the New Zealand Army, using ingredients he found in the bush to rustle up top-notch tucker, and has become a leader in reviving indigenous Kiwi cuisine.

Royal runs food trails around Rotorua and Taumarunui, which range from hours-long bush treks incorporating soaks in hidden hot springs to an overnight experience incorporating foraging, trout fishing, horse riding, eeling and hunting for huhu grubs (considered a delicacy by the old Māori, they’re said to taste a bit like peanut butter when cooked). Participants are also shown how to prepare a hāngī and given “a few ideas and tips on how you could make one when you get home”. Who knows: if they get the hang of it, hanging out round the hāngī pit may become a new Kensington Palace tradition.

If they’d prefer luxurious digs, Solitaire Lodge, on a private (read: paparazzi prohibiting) peninsular on the shores of Lake Tarawera could be a good option. Costing $2000 per night for the executive suite at this time of year and $2800 for the solitaire suite, it isn’t cheap, but Harry and Meghan don’t have to bother about that and, if they are required to justify expenses, they can point out that the price does include pre-dinner drinks and canapes, a five-course dinner, full country breakfast, light lunch and the use of kayaks, motorised dinghies and fishing gear.

Each of the nine luxury suites has panoramic views of the lake and volcano, which you can enjoy from the comfort of a strategically placed bathtub if you so choose, and there are numerous safely adventurous (ie royally suitable) excursions on offer. Think a helicopter tour of Mt Tarawera and White Island, a geothermal bike trail, a private launch excursion to natural hot springs and a private rainbow trout fishing trip – Megan could see if she can up her game.

As a health-conscious California girl and self-proclaimed foodie, she’d no doubt appreciate that the place is renowned for its gourmet fare using plenty of fresh, local produce (the sample menu includes tempura of Karitane crayfish with mango and chilli salsa and New Zealand bluenose bass with cauliflower, mussels, pine nuts, asparagus and beurre noisette).  

Or, if they’d like to put those hāngī-making skills to the test, they could check out the Te Rata glamping site on a geothermally heated stretch of sand beside Lake Tarawera. Reaching temperatures of 86 degrees, the owners say the sand is hot enough to cook food beneath the surface.