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Dear Amy: I met "Jane" and "Louis" two years ago. Jane and I work together and have quickly become good friends – she even nicknamed me his "wife at work".
Jane and Louis introduced me to my boyfriend, "Charlie", with whom I have been dating for more than a year. They have been friends with Charlie for many years.
Jane and Louis got engaged earlier this year.
Charlie received an invitation to the wedding. However, the invitation did not include "plus one".
When Charlie asked them about it, they said, "Sorry, no girlfriend is allowed, only married couples."
First, I was shocked and hurt to have been reduced to being only Charlie's girlfriend, when I thought I was also a good friend to this couple.
Secondly, I have never heard of this rule. I understand I do not want to pay for random dates at your wedding, but my boyfriend and I are in a serious relationship. We attended other weddings together.
Charlie always intends to attend this wedding and I would never ask him not to do it.
Should I just assume that it's a budget problem and let it go? Or am I allowed to be angry and reevaluate our friendship?
– Side friend
Dear Side, My usual position is to advise people not to take things personally.
However, and unfortunately, it sounds personal and quite delicate.
You know this couple well. They thought enough of you to introduce you to your guy. You are the wife at work of the bride, for the love of God!
Admittedly, wedding receptions are very expensive. Many married couples follow a course of action to invite couples to their marriage only if the couple is married, engaged or living together, but this course of action is often tense to include engaged couples and / or "more" .
You are wise to take the high road. I hope their marriage and their marriage are going well. However, your marriage with your wife may be in trouble.
Dear Amy: Our closest friends are always, I repeat, always late.
In general, they are 10 minutes late, within minutes.
Over the years, they have been late for up to 30 or 40 minutes.
The woman in this couple is the main reason for the delay, 95% of the time.
Last week, they were 30 minutes late and we left when they stopped.
Unfortunately, I do not have much to expect. I was so pissed off and we did not have a good time.
Now she is angry at me for annoying me 30 minutes late!
Sensational. What is it done now? If she calls well, but we will not call to check!
Am I so far from the base to expect a little respect and be a little more caring?
I've talked to several other friends, no names have been mentioned, and they all say that she's just "rude and inconsiderate" and that her time is more important than ours.
What is your opinion about this?
– Very tired of waiting
Dear Very Tired: Like you, my personal clock seems permanently tuned to "Let's Go!", So I understand the frustration of dealing with people who always run late.
However, at some point, your job is really to find a way to deal with a fairly predictable and (obviously) immutable model.
Unless you are about to miss the opening curtain of the theater or you jump together in the space shuttle, you can mitigate the effects by setting their "start time" of about 10 minutes, taking separate cars or – yes – call them when you want to check their exact ETA.
They are inconsiderate. They are rude. It is appropriate that you express how frustrating it is for you. But if their rudeness forces you to sulk for a long time or spoil your free time, you should not spend time with them until you can find a way to control your reaction.
And no – she's not allowed to be mad at you for being angry. This is her way of dispelling her own discomfort with the troubles she has caused.
Dear Amy: "Lonely" was an elderly married woman looking for an online romance. I was glad you warned her of "cat fishing" and told her never to send money to these scammers.
I wish you told him to go out and meet real people through volunteering.
– Faithful reader
Dear faithful, "Lonely" definitely needed to get away from his computer. Very good advice. Thank you.
(You can send an email to Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook. )
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