This couple may have had one of the longest marriages among all couples with Down syndrome. And maybe one of the happiest ones.

"For a stranger, this may not seem so – but for those of us who have known and loved it, it is absolutely true," said the funeral eulogy, read April 6 at his funeral in Liverpool, New York, near Syracuse. He was 56 years old.

The story of Paul and his wife, 59-year-old Kris – who has been recounted by various media over the years – is a story that far exceeds people with disabilities.

"They are role models for all those who want a good relationship," said Susan Scharoun, Kris Scharoun-DeForge's older sister. "They formed a team: they took turns and looked at each other."

[This woman is an exceptionally effective Capitol Hill lobbyist. She also has Down syndrome.]

Kris loved to cook and her husband loved to cook it, Scharoun said. He also kept a copy of the insulin scale for his wife, a diabetic. When she took her blood sugar, he always checked, offering encouragement or suggestions. He often said, "My darling, calm down," when she was upset, and he said it softly and without an authoritarian tone. The appeasement worked.

Kris and Paul dine at Susan Scharoun's. (Scharoun family)

He and his wife are both from families of eight children. When they were born, the family doctors told each of their parents that because of Down syndrome, they would not have a full life, Scharoun said. The doctors recommended placing them in an institution, she said.

Each of their parents had a deep faith in their children and ignored the advice, which turned out to be an intelligent and critical decision, as they both grew up to lead an extraordinary and productive life.

They both worked for jobs – he worked in the Onondaga Arc Workshop, an organization for people with disabilities, and at Pizza Hut, and then at the New York State office for people with a developmental disability. The Scharoun-DeForges were popular and appreciated and were proud to be their niece's godparents.

[Lucas was just named 2018 Gerber baby. He has Down syndrome.]

The couple, who met at a dance party for the disabled in the 1980s, was immediately seduced and dated for years. He got married in 1993 after five years of engagement, but not before having faced legal obstacles.

Because of their intellectual disability, they had to prove to the state that they knew what they were consenting to by marrying, according to Scharoun. To prove it, they had to pass tests that measured knowledge, feelings and sexual needs. They took courses sponsored by Planned Parenthood that helped them gain the skills to pass the test, said Scharoun.

Kris said in an interview with the Washington Post that even before testing, she knew exactly what she wanted. After all, she took the initiative and asked her man to marry her.

"He made me laugh," she says. "I looked in his eyes and saw my future, and that's what I proposed to him. … he said yes. "

At a wedding shower before their wedding, a friend asked the bride what she really liked about her fiance. She replied that she really liked Down syndrome, recalled her sister.

"For us, it was a total acceptance of oneself," said Scharoun, 63, a psychology professor at Le Moyne College in Syracuse.

She remembered that her sister had said, "I am perfectly fine. In fact, I love a man who is like me. "

When they got married, Paul and Kris took the name and became Kris and Paul Scharoun-DeForge.

"The combination of both names was just perfect," said Scharoun. "Our family was so pleased that Paul joined us and his family was delighted to have Kris join them."

Paul and Kris make a toast at the wedding of Kris's sister. (Scharoun family)

The Scharoun-DeForges lived together in a state-funded community for the disabled, where they shared a master bedroom and where the staff members slept in a second bedroom.

About a year ago, Paul showed advanced signs of dementia and had to move to a separate residence about 10 miles (16 km) away for intensive nursing.

"Little by little, you get used to having them there less," said Scharoun. "He was still part of the family, but you can say that he did not really recognize people."

However, his wife would say that her husband never stopped recognizing her, even though he was simply showing signs of familiarity. Even with advanced Alzheimer's treatment, playing music would make her emotional – Christmas carols or country, she said.

"When he would see Kris, he would just look at it and you knew that recognition was recognized," Scharoun said. His wife, Susan Hynds, wrote and delivered the funeral eulogy.

Kris – who said she loved the "big, beautiful blue eyes" of her husband – was devastated when he had to move.

But she and her husband met Sunday night at Scharoun, in Onondaga Hill, a suburb of Syracuse. Last summer, while Kris was recovering from pneumonia at the hospital, her husband surprised her on her 25th wedding anniversary with a visit.

And then something beautiful happened: someone spontaneously called a deacon from the church and the couple renewed his vows while he was sitting in a wheelchair in the chapel of the church. University Hospital of Northern Syracuse State.

In March, Paul returned to hospital care with pneumonia and his wife sat next to him and held his hand. Later, he laid his head on a brother's shoulder and died peacefully.

"I was very very upset," said Kris, who had recently drawn a butterfly hanging on the wall near her husband's bed.

"I gave it to my lover and he loved it." She said, adding that he loved butterflies.

She even imagined it as a butterfly.

"I think of Paul flying in the air … and who's free," she said.

The couple often spent their birthdays on vacation in the Adirondacks.

On August 13, the date of their wedding anniversary, she plans to go to their special place to disperse the ashes of her husband and imagine him flying away.

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