Tim Benz: Forget those other rosters and rankings, Steelers fans. Here is one that will really piss you off

This time of year, Pittsburgh Steelers fans spend a lot of time getting excited about the rosters and rankings released by various NFL media entities.

Where Ben Roethlisberger ranks on the AFC North quarterback list. Where TJ Watt stands in the pass rusher ranking. Where Mike Tomlin lands on the list of the best coaches in the NFL.

And wherever Tomlin is, it is always “Way too high!” Or it’s “How could he be so low?“

Never in the middle with old “Coach T”, right?

I usually experience “roster fatigue” around the beginning of June, and that usually lasts until the start of the preseason, when the actual games start over. I rarely get tied up during “roster season”. I will read them. I agree. I do not agree. And unless something looks incredibly weird to me, I move forward without much reaction.

But this list is worth engaging. This list is one that should make you angry. On this list, the Steelers have been shockingly overlooked, hugely wronged and massively despised.

Touchdown Wire (USA Today) has compiled a list of the 101 best nicknames in NFL history. See, I told you. This one is important.

Guess how many Steelers made the list. Three!

Yeah. That’s it. Three! It’s a crime. There should be an investigation.

“Mean” Joe Greene came in at 75. Jerome “The Bus” Bettis finished 36th. And Kordell “Slash” Stewart finished 10th.

You can see that Touchdown Wire often tried to match the rating with the player’s uniform number where possible.

So, with that format in mind, we’ll give you our list of some of the best Steelers nicknames that have been grossly ignored by Touchdown Wire.

And I’m sure you’ll give me a handful that I forgot too.

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3. Jeff “Skippy” Reed: I still think Reed blamed me for this one. A caller to my 105.9 The X show insisted that was his nickname in North Carolina. I asked Reed about it on the record after he signed. He never seemed thrilled about it. This one was printed several times and sort of faded away.

6 (A). Walter “Bubby” Brister: As quotable as it is inconsistent, “Bubby” has never lived up to its comparisons of Handy Fruit, Louisiana and Terry Bradshaw. But it was entertaining nonetheless.

By the way, can you believe he lasted 14 years in the NFL ?! Fourteen!

If his name was just “Walt”, do you think he would be remembered?

6 (B). Devlin “Duck” Hodges: Nicknamed the “Bubby” of his time, they even had the same number.

Sadly, Duck’s time was in 2019, when the Steelers had to use three quarters. So he played. Often.

Unfortunately for the Steelers, the comparisons to the Bubster were too similar once the ball was broken. At least that was true at the end of this season, after Duck burst onto the scene with a lot of fanfare and some success.

They were both barely talented enough at times to make you believe they were as good as their nicknames.

7. “Big Ben “Roethlisberger: Too simple? Yes. I agree. But they put Joe Montana on the list at No. 16 with “Joe Cool”. So “Big Ben” makes the cut.

8. Tommy Maddox (“Tommy Gun”): Jim Kelly did it for “Machine Gun” Kelly. So if it’s good enough, “Tommy Gun” qualifies.

12. Terry Bradshaw (“The Blond Bomber”): Description. Exact. Four Super Bowls. I should have made the list.

20. Erric Pegram (“The Minivan”): At 5ft 10in and 195 pounds, a nice addition to “The Bus” in Bettis’ first year as Steeler (1996). Plus, I always thought it was a bit underused in 1995.

22. Willie “Big Play” Gay: Rhymes are important. And he had a knack for scoring whenever he got a turnover.

26. “Hot Rod” Woodson: It’s a fast car. Find? That one was more of a banner at Three Rivers Stadium than a nickname that hit the mark, right?

27. Glenn “Knotty Pine” Edwards: I heard it had something to do with her hairstyle. And I heard it had something to do with being as “hard as bark” on that kind of tree. I postpone. Ask JT Thomas.

29. Barry “Bananas” Foster: It’s an excellent dessert. However, I wasn’t planning on mentioning this one until I realized there were three or four other Chris Berman-style nicknames on the list, so I ditched it.

31. Donnie “La Torpille” shell: Great nickname. Hall of Fame player. This one should get used to more often.

33. Byron “Bam” Morris: Physically descriptive. Good alliteration. Made for a good T-shirt. If only he could stay out of trouble.

34. Tim Lester (“The Bus Driver”): Any good running back needs a good back to lead the way.

39. “Fast Willie “Parker: It’s an adjective. Not a nickname. But hey, uh… he was pretty quick.

43. Troy Polamalu (“The Tasmanian Devil”): More a reference to the way he played than a nickname that has always stuck. It was correct. But, come on, do we need to say more than just “Troy”?

45. Chris Fuamatu-Ma’afala (“FU”): Or “Foo” if you prefer. When you think about it, it’s not as hard to say her full last name as it looks. But “FUUUUU” was easier to shout from section 503.

51. James Farrior (“Potsie”): Apparently, because Farrior had a bloated stomach when he was a kid, I guess. And also maybe mom and dad liked “Happy Days”.

52. “Iron Mike” Webster: Hey, let’s go with “Webby”. Another guy from Pittsburgh, “Iron Mike” Ditka made the list with that name.

53. Dennis “Dirt” Winston: See also Dermontti “Dirt” Dawson.

55 (A). Arthur “Don’t cross the” moat: Nice player. Nice guy. Nice nickname.

55 (B). Joey Porter (“Peezy”): The best use of “Peezy” was when it was spray painted on his custom Los Angeles Lakers golf cart at Saint Vincent College one summer.

58. “Jack smiling” Lambert: NFL Films also called it “Dracula in Cleats”. Both names were derived from his toothless face. But I think people were too scared to use those nicknames around Lambert because if he didn’t like them he might just kill you.

59. Jack “Le Marteau” ham: Too good player for a lazy nickname.

62. Tunç “Tunch” Ali lkin: Shortening of a name? Anglicize a name? Does it matter? It doesn’t matter. He’s just “Tunch” for us. And we will all miss him at the booth this year. Keep fighting, Tunch!

63 (A). Dermontti “Dirt” Dawson: See also Dennis “Dirt” Winston. I have never known this one. But apparently Dawson was also sometimes referred to as “Ned” after Ned Flanders from “The Simpsons”. But after meeting Dawson and interviewing him a few times, he was really this friendly and shredder. So, I understand.

63 (B). Ernie “Fats” Holmes: His mohawk was even better than his nickname.

66. Alan Faneca (“Red” / “Big red”): If you have red hair (or even red hair), you must be called “Red”. If you are tall, like Faneca, that helps. These are the rules. I am not making them up. Even Tyler Matakevich was “Dirty Red”. Which is actually a bit more creative.

68. LC “Hollywood Bags” Greenwood: Two versions of it. The first being that “Hollywood Bags” referred to the stylish clothes (especially the gold studded shoes) that he used to pack. But there is also a legend that he got the nickname because he claimed “his bags are always packed in case Hollywood calls”.

72. Gerry “Moon” Mullins: “Moon Mullins” was also a comic.

You see, kids, back then there were things called “newspapers.” And in those newspapers there was a column called “Comics”. Or “the funny pages”. And on Sunday… I lost all the under 35s. It doesn’t matter.

73. Craig “Wolf” / “Wolfman” Wolfley: Sorry, I meant “wow”.

78. Dwight “Crazy Dog” White: When you spend the whole week in the hospital, then play Super Bowl IX and get security, “Mad Dog” is fine.

84. Randy “The Rabbi” Grossman: Here’s Grossman’s explanation via the Jewish Telegraph Agency, “The guy who pretty much everyone nicknamed was Dwight White,” Grossman said. “He and I were locker neighbors and, yeah, what are you going to call a white kid from Philadelphia who’s Jewish?” Sparky? “

No. But now that I think about it, “Sparky” is pretty funny.

91 & 95. Kevin Greene and Greg Lloyd (“Quiver” and “Quake”): I am not above a good double nickname.

92. James Harrison (“Deebo”): Named for his dreadful resemblance to Deebo (Tommy Lister Jr.) from the 1995 movie “Friday”.

98. Casey “Big Snack” Hampton: For as good as it was, “Big Snack” kind of turned into “Big Hamp” or “Hamp” the longer he stayed around Pittsburgh. But Hampton never needed a nickname to stand out.

99. Brett “The Diesel” Keisel: Or “Da ‘Beard” if you prefer. But as mentioned, the rhyme is just easier.

Let’s also not forget Art “The Chief” Rooney, Chuck “The Emperor” Noll and Bill “The Jaw / Chin” Cowher.

Seriously, Touchdown Wire ?! Can’t find a fourth Steeler on this list?