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“Well, it’s going to be a nice change of pace for the briefers to give a list of national security threats to a president who isn’t there.” – STEPHEN COLBERT, on Joe Biden’s reception of President Trump’s daily intelligence briefs
“It’s okay, Trump doesn’t need the daily brief anymore. He draws all his intelligence from Randy Quaid’s tweets. – JIMMY FALLON
“Thanks to Trump’s daily brief, Biden will now be well acquainted with foreign and domestic threats and who was eliminated on ‘The Bachelorette.’ – JIMMY FALLON
“In fact, it turns out that the brief they give Biden is a little different than the one they give Trump. I’ll show you what I mean. For example, Biden’s brief says, “Iran is building nuclear arsenal,” while Trump’s brief says, “Iran is making big fireworks that go boom.” – JIMMY FALLON
“Then Biden’s brief says, ‘Norway is experiencing severe climate change,’ while Trump’s says, ‘Soon Olaf will be a puddle.’ – JIMMY FALLON
“And finally, Biden’s brief says, ‘Canada is expanding border restrictions with the United States,’ while Trump’s says ‘Americans betrayed by the Beliebers.’ – JIMMY FALLON
Amy Adams told Seth Meyers that she tried (and failed) to learn a Billie Eilish song on the ukulele during quarantine.
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