Two-thirds of romantic couples start out as friends, study finds

If you’re struggling to find love on dating apps, you might want to try dating a friend, a new study suggests.

The study’s authors, based in British Columbia, Canada, looked at data from just under 2,000 couples with different demographic characteristics.

They found that two-thirds started out as simple friends, suggesting that establishing a platonic connection with someone first is conducive to a strong romantic relationship later.

The study suggests that the cliché of falling in love at the first site – a common trope in Hollywood movies on the big screen – is slightly outdated in the 21st century.

In fact, getting to know someone as friends might be more effective than starting a relationship in a sexual context, for example using dating apps like Tinder and Bumble or having dates on the go. blinded.

“There are a lot of people who would feel very confident saying that we know why and how people choose partners, form a couple and fall in love, but our research suggests that is not the case,” said the study author Danu Anthony Stinson, a professor of psychology at the University of Victoria, Canada.

“We may have a good understanding of how strangers get attracted to each other and start dating, but that’s just not how most relationships start.”

For the study, Professor Stinson and his colleagues analyzed data from nearly 1,900 college students and participating adults.

A total of 68% said their current or most recent romantic relationship started as a friendship.

The researchers found that there was little variation by gender, education level or ethnic group.

But the rate of making friends first was particularly high among those aged 20 and over and within LGBTQ + communities.

In those two demographics, 85 percent of romantic couples started out as friendships.

Among university students, those who were in a relationship with someone they were initially friends with have been in a relationship for about one to two years.

The researchers noted that the vast majority of these participants said they did not form their friendships with romantic intentions or attraction.

This average length of pre-romance friendships indicates that couples were true platonic friends before they entered romance.

Interestingly, 47.4 percent of college students said starting out as friends was their preferred way to develop a romantic relationship, which makes it far more popular than the other options presented, such as getting together on a date. party or online.

Given the prevalence of romantic relationships that begin platonically, Professor Stinson would like to see further studies examining romantic couples beginning as friends, which Iis often overlooked by researchers.

For example, when examining a sample of previous studies on how relationships begin, the authors found that almost 75% focused on the spark of romance between strangers.

Only eight percent focused on the romance that develops between friends over time.

“Relationship initiation studies published in popular journals and cited in popular textbooks focus overwhelmingly on romance that sparks sparks between strangers and largely overlooks the romance that develops between friends,” say the study’s authors. .

“This limited focus might be justified if the first initiation between friends was rare or undesirable, but our research shows otherwise.”

Professor Stinson also hopes the research will prompt people to reconsider their preconceptions about love and friendship.

“Our research suggests that the lines between friendship and romance are blurry and I think this forces us to rethink our assumptions about what makes a good friendship but also what makes a good romantic relationship,” she said. declared.

The study was published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.