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Dear Amy: Recently a couple who my husband and I were casual friends with a few years ago moved to our city.
We helped them with some things related to their move, like storing some of their items and finding various service people.
They are now settled in their new home and have asked us to come for dinner. However, based on some things they said (not said), we believe they did not receive COVID vaccines.
We are fully vaccinated but remain cautious and uncomfortable being around while eating indoors with unvaccinated people.
We hesitate to ask them questions about their vaccination status, as it seems intrusive. On the other hand, we firmly believe that those who avoid the vaccine for whatever reason should be respectful of others by maintaining social distancing and wearing masks, which will not be possible if we accept their dinner invitation.
We alluded to being vaccinated a lot, for example mentioning our joy at finally being able to visit vaccinated relatives, but they didn’t say anything about their own status.
So what’s the polite or proper way to handle this?
– Not curious, but curious
Dear curious: If you are nervous or uncertain about the immunization status of others, you may (also) choose to wear a mask and maintain social distancing. It appears that some states are moving towards this recommendation, even for those vaccinated, due to the emergence of viral variants.
Understand, however, that your vaccination is supposed to protect you from the more serious symptoms caused by the coronavirus and that some vaccinations appear to be effective – so far – against the variants (check with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on cdc.gov ).
If you want to know if people are vaccinated, ask them. I think this is a fairly common problem that will come up often.
In my own experience, people who have been vaccinated tend to offer this information when issuing – or accepting – an invitation.
You can say, “Thank you very much for the dinner invitation. We would love to see how you have arranged the place. Sorry if it’s bothersome, but are you both vaccinated? We are very careful, especially when it comes to gatherings indoors. “
It’s an intrusive question, and I look forward to a time when people don’t feel pressured to ask it.
Dear Amy: I came to realize that I allowed my friend “Jack” to take drugs.
At first I didn’t know he had a problem. He claimed he was suffering from intermittent neck pain and had not had time to see a doctor as he is caring for his mother, who is in very poor health.
Over time, her requests for my medication became more and more frequent.
I asked him, “If it’s so bad, why don’t you have a prescription?” He says yes, but it’s obsolete.
After hearing this, I told her that I could no longer provide her with my medication.
I need my medicine. I thought I was helping him because he was helping his mother.
I told him that I realized this was an emotional time for him, then suggested that he could self-medicate. He said he probably was, then asked me for more. I said no.
I feel guilty for giving him the medicine in the first place.
I want to help, but I don’t think I can. I feel like I’ve been a horrible friend.
– A horrible friend
Dear friend: You are right, you should not have given your medicine to someone else. In addition to the fact that you need your medicine to treat your own illness, you are not a doctor, and you cannot prescribe the correct and safe medicine and dosage for another person.
However, drug addicts tend to be persuasive and manipulative. Your friend relied on you to respond with generosity and compassion, and you did. Hope you don’t make the same mistake again. He obviously needs professional help, and making this suggestion is the most you should be doing.
Dear Amy: I answer the question from “Widower”, who wondered when it was okay to start dating after his wife has been dead for 40 years.
My late wife passed away 19 years ago (may she rest in peace).
My current wife brought a pot of condolences home and hasn’t come home.
The best 19 years of all time!
– Not quite a newlywed
Expensive not quite: Never underestimate the magical powers of a good casserole dish.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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