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These two abrupt breaks seem to have nothing in common, and yet the Reddit posts from both users hinted at a breakup months in advance.
The researchers took messages from over 6,800 users who had posted to the r / BreakUps subdirectory and ran them in a word processing program to analyze their language patterns from the previous year to the year after they broke. . (r / BreakUps is an online forum on the social news platform Reddit, where more than 143,000 members post their breakup stories.)
At the time of a user’s breaking post, there was a spike in the average use of self-centered words like “I” and “me,” which are personal pronouns, the lead author said. study Sarah Seraj, doctoral student at the University of Texas at Austin.
The increase in self-centered words was observable three months before the breakup and did not return to normal speech patterns – measured by the average poster patterns four to 12 months before the breakup – until six months after the breakup the end of the relationship.
There has also been a sharp decline in analytical poster thinking, which is a standardized measure of the formality of someone’s writing, Seraj said. The decline, which indicates an increase in personal narratives and informal writing, occurred because people were writing about deeply personal topics, she said.
Non-breaking posts have shown similar patterns
The researchers analyzed both a user’s posts in r / BreakUps and their posts in other Reddit forums, called subreddits. Self-centered words increased and analytical thinking decreased around the time of the breakup, whether their posts dealt with their failed relationship or not, the researchers found.
“The effects of the breakup translate into other areas of their life, even if they don’t speak directly to it,” Seraj said.
At the time of the breaking post, there was a spike in the user’s cognitive processing words like “think” and “should,” which are used when someone is trying to solve a problem, Seraj said.
There was also a spike in a user’s collective thinking – noted by the use of the word “we” – at the time of the break-up, but it returned to normal levels within a few months.
“They can’t really separate their partner’s identity from theirs, so they use more of the words ‘us’ because they are talking about their shared life with their partner,” Seraj said.
Long-term posters take longer to return to normal
Users who spent five or more days posting to r / BreakUps took significantly longer for their language schemas to return to normal compared to those who posted less than five days. While short-term users’ analytical thinking returned to normal two months after breaking up, it took long-term users six months, according to the study.
The study did not analyze why long-term users took longer, but Seraj hypothesized that their breakages could have been complicated and therefore needed more support, or that the user kept ruminating on the relationship, preventing them from moving on.
For those still struggling six months after a breakup, Seraj recommended speaking to a therapist or seeking help from another professional.
Reddit enables authenticity
It’s been difficult in the past to analyze the psychology of break-ups because it’s a personal thing, and “it’s not like we can go to people and sneak up on them and see how they are doing. in their personal life, ”Seraj said.
With social media, people are posting about their day to day lives in the moment. People leave traces of their emotional and psychological states in their language online, she said, and it is available to researchers.
Reddit users are also anonymous, which Seraj says allows them to be more authentic online and share personal accounts of their breakup without fear of it coming back to them in the real world.
Traffic signs
This study proves that people spend a lot of time thinking about a breakup, said Gary Lewandowski Jr., professor of psychology at Monmouth University in New Jersey, who was not involved in the study.
The results also showed “that there are signs that you have already started to disengage from your partner weeks before the moment you are actually ending the relationship,” Lewandowski said.
If you notice that you are using more self-centered words like “me, me and mine” when it comes to a relationship decision, it could be a sign that you’ve already made your decision, he says.
Talking badly about your partner, whether on social media or in real life, is another red flag in relationships, according to Lewandowski.
In a good relationship, a lot of who you are is closely tied to your partner, he said. “If you speak badly about your partner, you are essentially speaking badly About you.”
A way forward
For long-term breakup posters, Lewandowski recommended that they write about the positive aspects of their relationship so that they can focus on the relationship as a whole.
While most people mourn the end of a relationship, he emphasizes that not all breakups are bad.
“If this relationship hasn’t helped us become a better person, ending it can,” Lewandowski said.
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