Doctors join wombats to make bricks to help parents relax when children eat Lego • Register

Just a week ago, we applauded the efforts of boffins, who discovered how the wombats were able to pinch the lovely Oxo Cube poo. Now, it seems that our squishy marsupial friends are in the esteemed company of the medical community, whose members have deliberately gobbled up (and spent) pieces of Lego.

Why? Well, let's be charitable and describe the parents as a neurotic group. Naturally, the fact that Junior swallowed a foreign object prevents the poor dwarves from sleeping at night, and how unfortunate it is that so many children's toys are delivered in such delicious bites.

To try to allay these fears, a team of doctors from the United Kingdom and Australia, recognizing that a lot of work had already been done to pbad the coins for the most part safely, sure. is turned to the scourge of Lego.

"Six pediatric health professionals have been recruited to swallow a Lego head," summed up the summary. "Previous gastrointestinal surgeries, inability to ingest foreign bodies, and aversion to research in feces were all exclusion criteria."

Fair enough, but what is it? Science done with a cheeky wink and a tongue in the cheek? The nerve!

"The intestinal habit before ingestion was normalized by the stool hardness and transit score (SHAT) .The participants ingested a Lego head and the time taken for the object to be found in the stool The main result was the Score Score (FART) score. "

It's a backronyming worthy of a seat The reg sub-office. The Chrimbo edition of Journal of Pediatrics and Child Health, who published the study, traditionally includes zany research.

"The FART score averaged 1.71 days, there was evidence that women were perhaps more adept at looking in their stools than men, but this could not be validated statistically."

Good luck Fortunately, the British national newspaper The graun was on hand to take quotes on the "serious" sciencing. "I do not remember if it was before or after breakfast," said author to the newspaper, Grace Leo. "But we all ingested our Lego between 7 am and 9 pm in our own time zone, with a glbad of water.

"For most people, it was after one to three stools, but for the poor [researcher Damien Roland]he did not find his, so we had him searched every stool for two weeks. I spent it on the first stool afterwards and was very relieved. "

None of the participants experienced any negative side effects with their plastic snacks, but the experience was accompanied by a "do not try that at home" sticker. Unless you are three, of course.

The report admitted that children's digestive system could react differently, but there was "little evidence to support that".

The authors added: "If anything happens, it is likely that objects will move faster in a more immature gut."

In conclusion, Leo said: "Hopefully there is more talk and awareness about foreign bodies, and rebaduring parents that for small foreign bodies, it is not advisable to delve into stool.

"If it's a little Lego head, you do not have to go digging in their stool." That should save parents some grief, unless that Lego's head is dearly loved. "

These doctors made the task too easy for themselves. A Lego head is small with rounded edges facilitating smooth pbadage into the intestine. Did they try to swallow a standard four-nodule brick? Did they f *% k – because they would probably die.

The dangers of Lego are well documented. Everyone knows that walking on one of the barefoot insects hurts more than childbirth. The register has developed his own formula for measuring the degree of pain. Presentation of BASTARD: Fear on Brick Served x Time / Acceptance – Resistance ^{D & # 39; oh!}. Feel free to add your own tortured and profane scoring systems in the comments to help us in this noble task. ®

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Oh yes, and as for you, "The Guardian", The register called and we want our titles back.