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On September 6, 2021, Michael Kenneth Williams was found dead at his home in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Initial reports claimed drug paraphernalia had been found in the apartment and the death was under investigation for drug overdose. A toxicology report published on September 24 confirmed the presence of cocaine, fentanyl and heroin in his body.
News of Willams’ death sent shockwaves all over New York City, and especially the Williamsburg neighborhood where Williams lived. To locals, especially those struggling with drug addiction, his death seemed a symbol of a more significant and recent change, in a time when hope seems to be scarce.
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“It seems like everyone’s relapsing,” says Sonya P, a member of the Williamsburg recovery community who tells Rolling stone that she has lost four friends in the past few months to overdoses. Sonya has been sober from opioids for almost six years, but says she has seen the toll this pandemic has taken on others in recovery. “It’s a unique experience to be in a populated metropolitan area like New York where everyone is focused on the same source of pain. You can feel it. “She says. She cites the days after the 9/11 attacks as the last time she experienced a palpable sense of melancholy, or since seeing so many sober people relapse in little time. of time.
The stress of the pandemic has left few unharmed, but for those recovering from addiction, the isolation, financial stress and psychological uncertainty that arrived in the spring of 2020 made it difficult to sober up. Overdose deaths hit a record 93,000 in the United States in 2020, and in New York City alone, they are up 20%. While pandemic stress is clearly a factor, the ubiquity of fentanyl in the United States’ heroin supply has created a powder keg.
The danger of a possible opioid overdose is increased when a user relapses, often because they will take the same amount of the drug they took when actively dependent, not realizing that their tolerance has decreased. . The fentanyl explosion has amplified this risk exponentially. According to the CDC, overdose deaths reached record highs in 2020 and led to the largest single-year increase in opioid overdose deaths since 1999, which is considered by many to be the start of the opioid crisis. .
“At the start of the pandemic, local drug addicts feared the heroin tap might drain, but that did not happen. Or maybe we just didn’t notice because all of the fentanyl took its place, ”says Simon R., a Williamsburg resident and heroin user who agrees that the relapses have become increasingly common. common since the start of the pandemic. Simon says fentanyl also brings a plethora of unique withdrawal symptoms that are even more insidious than heroin withdrawals. “It happens in waves of utter, unbridled pain, fear and despair. You can go from laughing and smiling to doubling over and crying in an instant.
Dave. M, host of the New York-based recovery podcast Dope, resides on a large online recovery community via the show’s Twitter followers and Facebook group, “The Dopey Nation”. There, Dave says he saw the shockwaves the pandemic has brought to the recovery community. “There is a fantasy that occurs when you use that nothing means nothing,” he says. “I think the lockdown simulates that feeling, that feeling of having nothing to do. He adds that often it is an individual’s hard work or dedication to a 12-step program that thwarts the urge to allow that mindset to take hold. These same people saw the job market decimated and their 12-step meetings closed. “I have seen people use the pandemic as an opportunity to get sober. But I also saw a lot relapse during this period.
Simon says his relapse happened just before the 2020 presidential election and was marked by the feeling that “there was no light at the end of the tunnel.” At that point, he felt like there was a certain degree of hope, he said, he had fallen too far. “I relapsed because I found myself thinking about life after the lockdown and felt like I couldn’t imagine a future I could be happy in. Now I can’t imagine a future in which I wouldn’t be miserable. I’m scared, and I just don’t know how to change it.
George Mumford, recovering drug addict and great practitioner of the burgeoning “mindfulness movement”, is perhaps best known for bringing mindfulness techniques to the Chicago Bulls of the Jordan era and other athletes like Kobe. Bryant. Mumford says he often thinks about what he would do in an environment like this if he were still active in his addiction. He points out that addiction is a disease of alienation and that the loss of the “safe environment” of 12-step meetings and the engagement that goes with them is very damaging. “Zooming may work for some, but I think recovery is very closely tied to being able to see a future you want to live in,” Mumford said. Social and political factors, he believes, have added to this pessimism. For too long, he says, there haven’t been “enough adults in the room to say that everything will be fine.”
The discouragement felt by some following Williams’ death appears to stem from the perception that he was doing well or that he had “overcome” his addiction. Many point to a February 2021 interview on WTF with Marc Maron as proof. During the interview, when the topic of relapse was brought up, Williams said, “Relapse is part of my story, but I am living well today.” Regarding this comment, Simon remarks “that’s the kind of answer I would give if I went through that”
“All it takes is one bad thought,” says Mumford, who has come to see recovery as a process of awareness. Asked about the perception among some that Williams had moved beyond addiction, Mumford recounts an old Native American adage of a grandfather telling his grandson that each of us has two wolves fighting in our hearts. One wolf represents fear, the other represents love. “Finally, the grandson asks, which wolf wins the fight?” And the grandfather replies: “the one you feed”.
On the podcast, Maron didn’t ask Williams what he meant by “I’m living well today”. Maybe Maron deduced that Williams was going through a rough time, or thought if he wanted to go into specifics on how long he was sober, he would have. It wasn’t necessary because, in the end, it was the last part of Williams’ response that mattered most, especially at times like these: “All we have is today. ‘hui. “
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