From the Virtual Meeting at Polyamor: Myths and Truths About Relationships | Well being

Married people tend to be happier longer? Is monogamy really the best option for a lasting relationship? Are the opposites really attracted?

Many of these theories are just myths. BBC Future has reviewed a number of studies to prove (or disprove) the most popular theses on relationships.

Online dating is one of the most popular ways to get to know a partner – but this can be daunting.

So it is perhaps encouraging to know that, among the infinity of random faces, the one we have just seen influences how attractive we will consider the one we will see next.

This finding suggests that our perception of beauty, far from being deeply rooted, is actually very fleeting. Remember this before "matching" someone.

In addition, the speed with which we examine all our potential contenders in virtual dating can also work to our advantage. Psychologists have discovered that faces are subject to a "vision effect", which makes them more attractive, the less we look at them.

Opposites do not always attract

It is not true that opposites attract.

Studies have shown that couples with similar characteristics tend to be more satisfied with their relationship than those who are very different from each other.

Some of these traits, for example, may be a "turning point": imagine that you like to wake up early, but your "other half" likes to spend clear nights.

However, excessive similarities do not represent an advantage either.

For example, in matters of conscience, studies indicate that it is better that the spouse be a little less (or more) scrupulous than the other.

Marriage Generates Happiness – But Not Forever

Research suggests that marriage brings lasting change to our personalities. A four-year study of 15,000 Germans revealed that after marriage, people showed a decline in openness and extroversion – a feeling shared perhaps by newly-married friends.

On the positive side, respondents reported an improvement in self-control and the ability to forgive after marriage – qualities essential to maintaining a long-term relationship. But, of course, it was just their view. If the spouse is in agreement, that's another matter.

What about self-satisfaction? This theory can come from the fact that your married friends really think that they are happier, at least for a while. Satisfaction with life with two children actually increases after marriage – but after a few years it returns to the initial levels.

How the terms change our personality

The research also revealed what seems to be the opposite of the effect of "double satisfaction": people also undergo personality changes after the end of the day. a long-term relationship.

Studies of middle-aged divorced women, for example, have shown that women have become more extroverted and more open after breaking with their spouses.

Men, on the other hand, did not handle the breakup very well. They became more neurotic after the divorce. And, in general, all men and women become less reliable after separation.

But it's not a one-way street. Just as disturbances affect our personality, so does our personality affect how we recover after a breakup. The most extroverted people tend to remarry more quickly, while the more neurotic tend to have a series of shorter relationships after the divorce.

Nowadays, monogamy is no longer the only option for a relationship. The so-called polyamor, which involves more than two people, has become a growing trend in the world.

Research has shown that polyamorous couples have stronger friendships outside their love life than monogamous ones. An online study also found that people living in polyamorous unions were more likely to have safer bad.

But if you are not expert in polyamour, do not worry, you do not necessarily miss all the fun. People who are enthusiastic about a polyamorous relationship may simply be more open to more relationships (including friendships).